Life

Always want to do some recording for the baby so that he/she will know what it is before it was born. Human curoisty, right? Everybody has it.

Two-day christmas holiday was ok. Passed. Today feel so good at home, reading some paper. Husband came in with video camera. I got up from the chaise and wash my face, although at 16 weeks it says you will glow due to pregnancy still want to look good for the baby.

Then sit there, I feel shy. Don't know how to open the mouth to say the things I've been thinking for so long. Husband is always "shameless", talking in front of the camera. God, I planned for so long I have to talk to my baby in chinese.

So after a long warm up period I started to talk to it. About me, the name, the pregnancy, sickness. Then I walk around the house get some more shoot.

Hope the baby will be healthy and enjoy this video when it grow up.

Next month, we will know she or he. I have a intuition feeling it is a girl. Husband think it is a boy. We will see.

The day before Christmas, seems everybody busy, less people on internet. Look at a few posts on international marrige. Her husband has started to talk to the baby at 10 weeks. Now I am 16 weeks, keep asking my husband to shoot some video for me, he just has no time.
The whole weekend, just walk around the house, doing laundry stuff, time just pass by. Winter time the day is short while when you are pregnant, it feels even shorter. Too much sleep, too easy to feel tired so have to sit.

I can't sleep very well, very easy to wake up and takes a long long time to go back to sleep. So 3rd time when I am here in usa I wondering around the house or reading at 3 or 4 am. The last 2 times all due to jetlag.
I don't know, sitting here, feel so depressed. No family around, no friends. Don't want to call anyway. Listen to old songs, the ones I used to listen when I was in high school, the ones my sister used to sing for me numerous times, the songs my lover used to sing for me, everything turns so sad.
A lot of work to do, just too lazy to do anything. Getting hungry again. another issue, beside sleep, take care of my stomack takes a lot of time too, specially now no restaurant open.

苏轼 定风波

莫听穿林打叶声，何妨吟啸且徐行。竹杖芒鞋轻胜马，谁怕，一蓑烟雨任平生。
料峭春风吹酒醒，微冷，山头斜照却相迎。回首向来萧瑟处，归去，也无风雨也无晴。

I always dream about flying. I am just walking then my feet start to leave the ground. Sometimes in my dream I told people around: You see, I told you I can fly. Then I keep flying, feel so light and free.

Start seriously to write my disseration today. First thing write a long acknowledgement wholeheartedly. Feel so many good people around me. 2 hours later, found I made a mistake delete it all.
have to thank them again---in writing.

Most of the students finished their final exam so the TA office is very quiet, seems only me here.

After I am pregnant I start to look at the next generations forum on mitbbs. The personal information is asking about blog. I tried to login, blogger never disappointe me, bingo, the post is still here.

Yeah, the major thing recently, got married, pregnancy, honeymoon---a nice and relaxing long vacation in the northern part of the country, miscarriage, then pregnancy again. Most recently, finish the prelimnary exam for my Ph. D. and a short paper is almost readay to be submitted.

The last month can be the worst month of my life. sickness due to pregnancy. The initial joy was mixed with the fear of miscarriage again. The happiness of seeing the baby safely in my tummy followed by this aweful feeling of bloatedness and the hatred toward food.

It is getting better, some days are still very bad, like yesterday, planning to go swimming but feel so tired. Slept 11 hours continously, feel so much better this morning.

Baby, hard to imagin it still. Feel myself still like a baby, when it comes, don't know what it is going to be.

Now start the dissertation writing part. want to attack the theory part first. Then introduction, others, just fill in with the papers I guess.